Countless people have told me to just stop thinking and do what you want. And I’ve been trying to do that, but sometimes I can’t help it. Like now.
I think maybe I need to find a distributor for my cartoons. Doing this independently is yielding no results. I shouldn’t say none, but I definitely am not reaching the audience I want to reach. Granted, Geoweasel is not an ideal series, even for web. There’s no substance to it. In a way that can be good, but I’m not doing it right. Sometimes I want to quit it, others I don’t, because it is something that I can just do whatever I want with. But even if I made something totally different, I feel like it would go unnoticed. I have no idea how to attract an audience. Or maybe my stuff is just crap. It’s not something I can submit to film/animation festivals or shows or websites to be featured on. It just kind of sits there, and if someone sees it, they see it, but it’s not something that someone would stumble upon and say to someone else, “Hey, you gotta check out this cartoon.”
While I was at SPX last month, I talked to James Kochalka for a while and eventually started talking about this kind of stuff and just my lack of motivation, and he said maybe it’s time to move on. Later on, I talked with Jeffrey Brown and he said, “I think you should just do what you do, and not worry about other people or getting popular or anything. That just comes on its own.” Not that nobody has said either of those things to me before, but it was just two people in one night telling me contradictory things that left me confused and thinking. I don’t know what I should do. Keep going? Get help? Do something else? Quit altogether? Back when I first started it was just, “Yeah! I’m gonna make a cartoon!” and nothing else factored into it and I just went along with what I had. But then I started feeling like I wasn’t attracting more people, my stuff wasn’t evolving, I kept getting rejected from various places to display my work, and with every one of those, I lost more and more motivation. I don’t think anything ever really happened to actually bring some of that motivation back. It just kept getting sucked away until now, where I’m at the point of making a couple cartoons a year, if that.
I know not everything can be a hit, and not everything is a miss. But I think just about everything I’ve done has been a strike out. If this is what I love doing, why is it becoming so hard to do?